Weezer's "Red Album"

I really tried to like Weezer's sixth studio album. I really did. In fact, when The Onion's AV Club declared it "breathtakingly stupid," I wanted to enjoy the album out of spite. Unfortunately, that that just didn't happen.

It's been said -- by someone much more clever than me -- that Weezer is the gateway drug of bands, in that listening to Weezer might lead the listener to more indie type bands. I find this to be true, as the first time I paid any attention to Weezer was my freshman year of college. Though that was 6 years after the release of the untouchable "Blue" album, it had me hooked and soon after (aided by a job DJ'ing at the campus radio station) I was listening to a lot more non-commercial bands. So if you think I'm a music snob now, you have Rivers Cuomo to thank.

That said, I've always found the argument of Weezer-as-indie-ish-band sort of peculiar. Weezer has always been, until now, strictly a power-pop band. They don't make 3 a.m. headphone albums, they make music meant to be blasted out of car windows and at barbecues. Any gerneral fan of rock music can find something redeeming in Weezer. There is nothing wrong with this. There is also nothing wrong experimenting with your sound. Any self-respecting artist should be able to go out of his or her "comfort zone" at least once in a while.

However, Rivers Cuomo and Weezer take this experimenting -- if you can call it that -- to a level so ludicrous I can't even find a better word for it than "ludicrous."

"Red" (that's what I'm calling it from now on) starts off rather well with a spunky, peppy little rocker named "Troublemaker." Never mind the fact that Rivers rhymes "ki-ahds" (kids) with "Biotch." Thats fine; I've come to expect that sort of thing from Weezer. Unfortunately, it's foreshadowing of the kinds of missteps that are abound on the album.

What's wrong with the album as a whole can be found in microcosm on the second track, 'The Greatest Man That Ever Lived (Variations on a Shaker Hymn)." The song goes in four different directions in the span of 5 minutes and 52 seconds. There's the Weezer rock song part, the "traditional" part (that's the "Shaker Hymn" thing; I'm no music scholar, so I have no idea what the hell that is), the spoken word part, and Queen-style hysterics throughout. I read over at Rolling Stone that the song is a "satirical mini-epic." Perhaps that satire was lost on me; I just think the song is terrible.

From those two songs we find why the album is problematic: there is no consistency. After 'Greatest Man' is a classic Weezer song, "Pork & Beans," complete with references to Rogaine and Timbaland...but it's followed up by the schlocky sentimentality of "Heart Songs," an ode to all the bands that Rivers loves. Being from Wisconsin, I love cheese, but not that much of it in one dose.

I hate to compare and album to a band's past accomplishments -- I realize it's natural -- because I think an album, to some extent, should be able to stand on its own. But fifth track "Everybody Get Dangerous" makes that hard to do with its sing-speak (or whatever, again, I know dick about the technicalities of music) and "everybody get dangerous...BOOYAH!" chorus.

It seems as if before, the irony and geekiness came rather naturally on their previous albums; here it seems like they're trying way too hard to be cool. I suppose if they're trying to sell CD's to 16-year-old girls that are into theater, they've hit the jackpot with "Red." With me, not so much.

Lastly, "Red" could've used some major editing. That's funny considering it's only 41 minutes long and Weezer has never released a disc over 45... but there are 3 songs over 5 minutes long. When the ideas for those songs aren't good to begin with, a little self-editing can go a long way. Case in point, "Dreamin'" would've been a great song had it been cut off at about 2:24 instead of its full 5:11 running time.

I don't want to end on a harsh note, so I will commend them for the last song on the CD, "Angel and the One." It's a beautiful song. It's no "Only in Dreams," sure, but at least they ended it on a good note.

CONCLUSION: "Red" is a mess. It doesn't feel like a cohesive album to me, but rather a collection of 10 songs that don't belong together. Not only that, but most of them are mediocre to boot. "Troublemaker" and "Pork & Beans" are pretty damn good songs, but after that, I say listener beware.

Rating: 1.5 stars out of 5