Traveling With A Purpose

My co-worker returned on Friday from a week-long jaunt in Mexico. It was good timing, too, because I was getting tired out from working in the mail room all by my lonesome. This is not to say my job involves a lot of heavy labor -- it doesn't -- but the double duty of doing both mail runs and deliveries to all floors AND covering the security desk had worn out its welcome by weeks' end.

Most people would have asked him how it went (I did, he said it was "great" or "awesome" or something) and what he did, asked to see photos, etc, etc. I did not go any further than my initial question, mostly because I am an introverted jerk.

Now, don't get me wrong, if he would have insisted on telling me everything about the trip I would've listened. The "fuck off, I don't care" mentality is reserved only for the most special people in my life. But, yeah, I really didn't care, therefore the conversation went no further.

I have no idea why he went there, but something tells me after working with him for a year and a half that he didn't have a rigid itinerary. He doesn't drink, so I know he didn't go there to party...which is why most people my age go to Mexico to begin with. I figure him to be the type of person to go down there and just soak in the culture. There is nothing wrong with this. But I got to thinking about what I would do if I traveled, and though I wouldn't have an itemized itinerary, I would certainly have a purpose. I don't just go somewhere to see shit.

Case in point: a few months ago I was trying to decide how to use some discount vouchers I had from Midwest Airlines. I suggested to my girlfriend that maybe we should just go somewhere that we'd never been before as she was resisting going to Vegas.

After looking through the cities, I found that there were specific things that I wanted to see there and nothing more. I wanted to see the Country Music Hall of Fame in Nashville and Sun Studios in Memphis. If I went to New Yotk City, besides seeing obvious landmarks like the Empire State Building and the Statue of Liberty, I would be disappointed if I didn't get to take in a taping of Late Show with David Letterman or Late Night with Conan O'Brien.

I can't just go somewhere and hang out. Even somewhere as laid back as Mexico, I'm pretty sure I'd just go there to buy cheap booze and cigarettes.

Mock, mock, mock

I don't watch a whole lot of television, but there never seems to be a shortage of shows that I hate.

Why is this? Because my girlfriend has a nasty habit of gravitating towards shows worthy of my scorn. Now, to be fair, she's not the type that insists on watching the bevy of reality shows that permeate our airwaves. She doesn't sit around waiting for the next schlock-filled episode of Rock of Love, Flava of Love, I Love New York, Fucking (Disguised as Loving New York), etc, etc. Actually, two of her favorite channels are more "reality" based than your average broadcast network or vh1: TLC and Discovery Health.

I'll leave Discovery Health alone not because I like it, but because I'm uninterested and generally freaked out by all things medical. This is, of course, despite the fact that I work at a BLOOD center. TLC, however, is a different beast.

I don't think I can stand a single show on that network. I don't watch anything closely on the channel while my girlfriend is watching What Not to Wear or Jon & Kate Plus 8 but time and again I find myself turning away from my computer screen to curse the TV or mock one or more of the people.

I'm finding the only way I can stomach any of this reality television is to mock it incessantly. (And hopefully to the point where she turns it off)

I've written about this before -- about Bridezillas in particular -- that I think the only reason most reality television exists in the first place is because it makes the average American feel better about themselves.

I'm not trying to take any sort of high road here. I openly mock people on a regular basis; it's entertainment to me. But that's the thing - I mock real people. I don't want that to be the selling point for a decidedly escapist form of entertainment. When I'm entertained it's because of a good plot or (more likely because I'm not a fan of dramas) brilliant dialogue. Reality TV doesn't deliver when it comes to those points.

So why the screencap from the final episode of Seinfeld? Because Babu tells the jury how the foursome just mocked and mocked and mocked and never thought about any of the people they were mocking... and I think that illustrates rather poignantly the attitude of the average reality show viewer, even me.

Am I right? Am I wrong? Am I just a hateful, bitter asshole incapable of having a little fun? On that last question, I'm (barely) secure enough in my own skin to admit that I am, in fact, a hateful, bitter asshole. Regardless, reality TV still bugs the living shit out of me and if that's wrong, I don't want to be right.

Annoying Songs to Play at Bars: Vol 6

Artist: The Rolling Stones
Song: “Midnight Rambler" (live)
Album: Get Yer Ya-Ya's Out
Length: 9:04

For the first time in a while, I'm picking a song that I've never played in a bar. In fact, I was just listening to the album today -- which is fucking great as far as live albums go -- and decided that "Midnight Rambler" would be a great cut to play in your local dive.

First things first: Yeah, I know everybody and their mom loves (or at least knows) The Rolling Stones. That's the pure genius behind picking this song: unless you're a hip-hop head that hates anything with actual guitars, you can get into this balls-out live rocker from Mick and the boys.

Now, I just described "Midnight Rambler" as balls-out, but it's not quite as menacing as other heavy rockers from the same era...say Black Sabbath's "War Pigs." That's another thing about this song that makes it such a good choice: any schmuck with a dollar bill can pick an all-out assault on the ears like early Metallica or Megadeth. It takes a more discerning listener to choose a slow burner like "Midnight Rambler."

I suppose it sounds like everyone should appreciate this song then...and they should for the first four-and-a-half minutes or so when the song seems ready to fade into oblivion...

...at which point, after slowing down to a crawl, the song picks back up again. Mick Jagger goes on talking about "the midnight rambler" and continues on for another good four minutes.

I know I'm just a dork, but just thinking about that point in the song playing in a bar makes me cackle to myself.

I have devised a ratings system just for fun, and mostly because I thought it incredibly funny to use "Lars Ulrichs" as my rating instead of stars or numbers.

Ratings go from 1-5, least to most.

Obscurity: 3.5

I'm sure any hardcore fans of the Stones will know this song, considering it's not only on the live album, but on Let it Bleed as well. But if most patrons are like me, and only know mostly singles, this song might catch people a little off guard.

Length: 4.5

The Rolling Stones have a few longer songs like "Sympathy for the Devil" (6:17) and "You Can't Always Get What You Want" (7:29) but the live version from "Midnight Rambler" tops them all.

Tuneoutability: 2

It's not super-loud. Its lyrics are intelligible and sung, not screamed. The riff is quite catchy. People will listen to this and maybe even like it, but what will get you your money's worth is the 9-minute running time.

Overall: 4

If I were a girl, this post would be full of pictures.

Opening Day 2008

I wouldn't say that I'm a hardcore Brewers fan -- at least, not to most people -- but I've always wanted to go to an Opening Day at Miller Park/County Stadium. Finally, armed with enough money to buy a season ticket package and thus tickets to the home opener, I got my opportunity to go this year.

First things first - I committed a cardinal sin by not tailgating. There were many reasons for this, but the most important reason was that somebody stole my grill! I know, it's my fault for leaving it outside but it still sucks.

So we walked the two miles to the park instead.

Perhaps the Brewers and the local media have done way too good of a job hyping Opening Day because it wasn't nearly as chaotic as I expected. For some reason, I thought it would be our own little Woodstock in Miller Park's parking lot. I thought there would be huge tents with loud music and a plume of smoke from the myriad barbeques going that could be seen from half a mile away.

None of those things were true. In fact, walking through the lot behind home plate looked like it did on any other game. There were lots of people cooking out, people playing "cornhole" (or beanbags, or whatever), and beer, beer, and more beer. It is still a sight to behold, even if it's not as ridiculous as I saw it in my mind.

Nothing really changed at the stadium itself except for the new team store with its overpriced wares. ($140 for a replica Corey Hart jersey? No thank you.) The large 20 oz beers were still $7.50. They continue to serve the awesomest cheese waffle fries in a mini Brewers helmet. And the hot dogs are still the best I've ever tasted.

As for the game itself, it was great. The Brewers completely throttled the Giants 13-4. Bill Hall silenced his critics -- and Ned Yost's -- at least for a day by hitting 2 HR's. The pitching was solid. Everything was flowing for the Crew and it looks so far that, if they continue at the level they're at, the Brewers should go to their first playoffs since 1982.