Selecting a country song on your average jukebox is a prickly proposition. Unless you’re in a honky-tonk joint, the patrons will most likely be in their twenties and thirties and they hate – with a capital H! – country music as far as I can tell. This may make it seem like the perfect choice for an annoying song – and it is, mostly – but be careful, because there could be old people lurking around who like country. And there’s nothing lamer than having an old person jammin’ to your song.
It’s true that even people who aren’t hipsters might like a Johnny Cash tune or two. But what about Willie Nelson? Merle Haggard? Hank Williams Sr.? It just so happens that I – and I’m the only one of my friends, I believe – like all of these classic country artists and more. Hell, I even like Kenny Rogers. I’m not going to say that I’m a diehard fan; I’ve never gotten too deep into the catalogues of any of the aforementioned artists except for maybe Cash. But I do have my favorite singles, and some of them had stricken negative chord with the people in the tavern. Here are two of them.
Artist: Johnny Cash
Song: “The Legend of John Henry’s Hammer”
Album: At Folsom Prison
Length: 7:02
Let me start out by saying that I really don’t like this song that much. It’s not as bad as “The Ballad of Ira Hayes,” but still. It’s way too long for a Cash song, and besides that it’s mostly spoken word. This is not a good formula to follow. Inexplicably, the studio version of the track is on his 16 Biggest Hits album.
Of course, we’re not talking about the studio version, we’re talking about the version he performed at Folsom Prison. That version has some redeeming qualities: 1) It’s a minute and a half shorter – this keeps me from wanting to puncture my eardrums. 2) The live version is far more energetic, making the story somehow more compelling. This is important when you’re listening to an epic country song.
I’ve had a couple of jukebox experiences with this song:
At one place, it got skipped a couple of minutes into it. That wasn’t too big of a deal considering it was just one in a long line of many long songs.
The second place was a little more interesting. There was a group of girls there that apparently thought the place was a club, because they were interested in dancing. (Not with me, of course.) Naturally, I walked up to the jukebox to fix this nonsense and played ‘John Henry’ somewhere in my set. An Asian girl walked up to me.
Her: Did you play this?
Me: (big smile) Yeah.
Her: Can you play something else please?
Me: What, you don’t like Johnny Cash?
Her: No, I can’t dance to it!
Now if this was college and I thought I had a shot with her I might have tried to accommodate her request. But it wasn’t, so I didn’t. Why she and her friends were in a dump in the suburbs looking to dance was beyond me. At least the Man in Black didn’t disappoint.
I have devised a ratings system just for fun, and mostly because I thought it incredibly funny to use "Lars Ulrichs" as my rating instead of stars or numbers.
Ratings go from 1-5, least to most.
Obscurity: 4
A lot of people have at least heard of “Ring of Fire,” I Walk the Line,” or “Folsom Prison Blues.” Though this song is on 16 Biggest Hits, I doubt most younger fans know “The Legend of John Henry’s Hammer.”
Length: 4
Three minutes of an old country song is enough for a lot of people. But seven? You’re asking for trouble there.
Tuneoutability: 3
It’s not particularly loud, but the Cash-supplied train sounds and constant “hammering” make it difficult to ignore.
Overall: 3.5
Artist: Merle Haggard
Song: “Okie from Muskogee”
Album: Probably any greatest hits compilation
Length: 2:42
The reason I like this song is plain and simple: it’s anti-hippie. Granted, I’m not exactly in Haggard’s target audience. I’m not a hayseed or a hillbilly, nor am I a part of the urban sophistication he seems to be railing against in the song. I fall somewhere in between, which I guess is why I find “Okie from Muskogee” so amusing.
I was at the same suburban dump from the last song when I decided to go with some Merle. There were these black dudes there with their lady friends having a good time – which is cool, except that I fucking hate rap music for the most part. Instead of going in the direction my musical arch-nemesis would have taken – heavy guitars – I decided to go in a completely different one. I decided to play the whitest song I could think of. I decided “Okie from Muskogee” would be next.
It was beautiful. No one really knew what was going on, going from a gangsta rap track to an acoustic country tune. I silently and slowly bobbed my head, satisfied that I had conquered the jukebox once again.
Obscurity: 2.5
It depends. Are you an old-school country fan? If so, you’ve heard “Okie from Muskogee” before. If not, and your idea of country is Toby Keith or the Dixie Chicks, then this song might sound completely alien to you.
Length: 2.5
I think nearly three minutes of country – quiet as it may be – goes a lot further than a three minute pop song.
Tuneoutability: 2
It’s pretty quiet and not overly twangy, so it’s not too hard to tune out. But an abrupt shift from listening to a bunch of rap or metal songs to this should turn some heads.
Overall: 2.5
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